Your Guide to CONMEBOL WC Qualifiers OCT 5-10

Messi, Neymar, Suarez, are getting back together! Not on the same team, or stadium, or country, but they’ll be in the same continent. And when those three are together, we get some big time entertaining soccer. Even though they are not playing each other, CONMEBOL qualifying stage has been highlighted by Argentina, Brazil, maybe not Uruguay but, we needed to Suarez out there, so lets pretend Uruguay has been an instrumental part of this conference.

First a look at the standings to date. *Reminder 1-4 qualifies to WC and 5th place plays New Zealand*


In first place are the big swinging dicks of South America. Brazil is my favorite to win PutinMania ’18. Ever since Dunga got the boot, and Tite arrived, Brazil has had a HUGE change. Tite era started off a little rough with a 2-0 loss to Chile, then BOOM! 15 games without losing, including 11 wins, and dropping 7 goals on Uruguay and Argentina. Gabriel Jesus has been a bright at Manchester City scoring 4 goals in 6 games. Neymar has completed establishing himself as the alpha of PSG. Paulinho is looking like an actual midfielder (started after a hat-trick in Uruguay).

But enough talk about Brazil, they already have a ticket to Russia. What really matters is that 2-5 spots. 7 points separate 2nd place and 8th place. Chile has played so shitty these last two games, at home vs Paraguay, and away in Bolivia. Even with FIFA going and fucking everything up with the new drawing format, (Pots for Drawing will be seeded i.e. Pot 1 (1-7) Pot 2 (8-15) etc..) Chile sitting at FIFA’s 10th place does not qualify them to Russia. Argentina is another team that has been abysmal losing to Bolivia in March and Paraguay last October. Peru got some big points at home vs Bolivia and in Ecuador. Any way, let’s look at the best games this coming Thursday and Tuesday.IMG_4492.PNG

This TV1 is a MUST WATCH! Peru has PutinMania at their fingertips. Peru has never clinched a ticket to the WorldC up, and a win in La Bombonerra secures them a spot for the playoff, basically meaning they’ll be in Russia for sure. (New Zealand STINKS!! Call back to 8-0 Mexico dropped on ya.) Meanwhile, Argentina needs to get their shit together. If by some miracle, Argentina were to fail to make it to Russia, Messi’s legacy would be absolutely RUINED. Do we really want Ronny ranked as the GOAT? Hell no! C’mon MessiTina!!! I expect nothing less than a 2-0 win.


On Tuesday, Chile at Brazil will be a YYUGE matchup. Not only does Brazil look to stay atop of the group, but Chi-Chi-Chi-Le-Le-Le, is looking to, at the very least get into the playoff. Like I said earlier, Chile has been pathetic. So much so, that Vidal threatened to retire from the national team after their 2 losses back in late August.

That’s some big time pussy shit. Fuck tha haters Arturo!!! You do you baby! And by, “do you,” I mean missing pens, and trying to murder any player in a yellow jersey. Either way, Chile did hand Brazil their last loss, just about 2 years ago. Shit has gone down ever since, so any Chile can show up. The ass kicking, tough, grinding, hard working Chileans, or the slow, misfit, pansies. And with Chile needing to get a W, expect a really, REALLY good game.

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